Instruments of War
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I'm Nyx and I'm neither here nor there.
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Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:Fuck the government.
Dad:Fuck the school board.
Dad:Close the door.
Dad:Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:I love puns.
Dad:People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:Please shut up.
Dad:Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:They act like I care what they think.
Dad:I hate homework.
Dad:I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

spaceelf:

People who say sadness doesn’t hurt physically apparently never experienced feeling so sad. I’ve felt it in my legs, my jaw, my head, my quivering lips, aching eyes, and my aching chest. It hurts my chest the most because it literally feels like your heart is in pain.

(via pizza)

hotsuburbandad:

If I ever seem arrogant or anything like that, please know I’m joking 100% I have zero self confidence and I sometimes pretend that I think im dead cool and awesome because I’m actually terrible so it’s mildly funny

(via pizza)

make me choose: the avengers or iron man 3asked by brigialerise

(via tonysassy)

primacdonaldsgirl:

when ur friends exclude u out of group discussions

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(via elleys-blog)

yukirnura:

intartarus:

i wanna put on a cute dress and slay all my enemies

i love the way how this gets notes slowly. it’s like everyone puts on a cute dress an slays all their enemies and then comes back and reblogs the post

(via elleys-blog)

catholmes:

demet3r:

the-trench-coat-fandom:

captainsbooty:

captainsbooty:

captainsbooty:

what if we’re all characters in a book

WHAT IF WHEN YOU FORGET WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY IT’S THE AUTHOR BACKSPACING

guys why isn’t everyone reblogging this it’s a scientific breakthrough

and when you’ve had a sense that you’ve been through a certain day or moment before, it’s cuz the author is re-writing the same part of the story, just with better context

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Dude, my author fucking sucks. 

(Source: getsby, via elleys-blog)

singhallelujahh:

When people use Elsa not getting a prince at the end of Frozen to hate on all the other Disney princesses who fall in love

image

A WOMAN CAN BE STRONG WITHOUT A MAN.

A WOMAN CAN BE STRONG WITH A MAN.

LOVE DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE WEAK.

(via elleys-blog)

kornaxon:

meowboii:

hatsaillis:

Having an urge to draw

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Having no inspiration

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Having the Inspiration

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Don’t know how to draw

image

I really shouldn’t be laughing, but oh boy, this is so accurate.

(via elleys-blog)

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